Everyone we know is fighting a silent battle. Some are trying to get good grades, some are trying to keep their family well fed, some are fighting to stay alive, some are fighting to be in control in a relationship, some are trying to make themselves capable enough for their loved ones, and some are just trying to live life.
So how do we know whose battle is harder than others? Is there a way to quantify the gravity of the situation that they are fighting?
For a kid trying to get his grades high to get into a good university as compared to someone who is trying to keep his family safe by providing the basic. No, we can’t compare the battle. One is because it’s not the same and the second is because the most fundamental issue we avoid understanding is that each of us is made differently and our capabilities to handle issues are different.
I could be triggered by something someone else finds peace with. Each one of us is different, some like to talk about it because they find solace in getting it out of the chest and some like to stay silent because silence is their weapon to stay peaceful.
But the truth remains that each one of us is trying to cope with something that is bringing us down. Now, what are we doing about it? We as humans love to share happiness and melancholy too. And we like to be heard. Sometimes the battle is only inside us, when you say it out loud it seems less explosive.
But hands down talking help helps, while talking out your battle one isn’t looking for answers or advice, they just want to be heard. Many times, the solutions are with us, it’s just that we don’t want to say it out loud, because then we will be made accountable, and we won’t be able to think it was unavoidable. However, sometimes it’s far more severe. But then again how do I know whose battle is harder?
These worries can become very huge in our minds, our minds can make up stories that don’t exist, so we need to talk control of what we are telling ourselves, because if you say good things there might be a possibility of better results or temporary sanity of your mental situation.
But we still don’t know whose battle is tougher, how do we rationalise the depth? We can’t do that, we must let each one decide how grave one’s battle is, and then we should be accepting. It is here where we need to step in and agree with them when they say their battle is intense.
So, the real thing is that we let the holder of the problem decide the gravity of his or her battle, and we as their supporters be right beside them when they say it is a battle to fight for.
Because no one else but they are fighting it, all you are doing is validating.
[The writer, Vaishali Hamlai, is a certified MBTI coach and author, who delves into the complexities of the mind and soul to guide and interpret social behaviour]